Everyone has at least one thing they cannot stand above all other things.
There are many things I dislike but can tolerate to a semi-acceptable level (sweaty rude people, screaming children, and the word ‘moist’ being 3 of those things). However there is one quintessential kryptonite that makes me wretch, gag, and hiss menacingly at for years. I am able to accept most things and grin and bear even the most unsavory situations…but honestly country music isn’t one of them.
Ever since my family inhabited the behemoth state of Texas and I was subjected to hours of Dixie Chicks and Garth Brooks something about the genre on the whole has given my ears the equivalent of intense indigestion. I don’t know whether its the excessive ‘plinky plinky’ noises in the old hokey country songs or the deep (and usually dreary) vocal warbles of the older male singers that set me on edge…or if its the lyrics which are usually a cheese fest (god, love, or otherwise, country music has more cheese than France).
For some reason it doesn’t seem to matter what country song comes on be it Blake Shelton or Taylor Swift, I will immediately get the same feeling one gets when about to vomit violently from a vicious whiskey hangover. Of all the songs that infest that infernal genre, one song stands alone as the ultimate hellspawn to my ears.
Though it technically might not count as a ‘country song’, ‘Wagon Wheel’ has been the single most traumatizing of stupid catchy ‘wheels on the bus’ level infectious songs I have ever had the displeasure of hearing (I actually despise all of Bob Dylan’s work). When in college EVERY HIPSTER AND THEIR MOTHER used it as the ‘pre party’ song before hitting the bars, and often would break into the main chorus drunkenly through the night.
My entire varsity sports team would sing it ON EVERY ROAD TRIP.
Karaoke bar suitors would use it as their trump card mistakenly thinking the whiney falsetto lines would magically drop my pants.
Teachers would hum it on the way to class.
Acapella groups on campus would do ‘super awesome’ (not super awesome at all) renditions of it with unnecessary harmonies.
It was the ‘It’s a Small World’ of my existence.
When I discovered EDM, I thought my days of irritating corny country lyrics, dreary country singing, and ‘Deliverance’ mind-jogging guitar picking were over. And then Avicii’s Ultra set happened.
And then recently his new track leaked. So in terms of Avicii’s future releases, if they continue to contain that hideous twangy cheese-riddled abomination known as ‘Country’…..well then. I’m done.