With EDC New York a week away and many women (and men) preparing what they will wear, who they will see…and possibly also what they will take, many may also be looking collectively at their midsections and scurrying off to twitter in search of a way to rapidly dump their insides for the perfect ‘rave body’. Because my diet has wandered off into the ‘eating-peanut-butter-with-a-spoon’ phase once too often this month, I decided just for kicks to see if there wasn’t one crazy train on pinterest that had a halfway decent idea on how to rapidly shed pounds temporarily.
Here was what I found….and tried:
- The ‘honey and cinnamon cleanse”. Often accompanied with pictures of heavily emaciated (or astoundingly buff) women, this “little trick” type fad involves drinking a boiled concoction of cinnamon powder and honey before meals to aid in digestion…..or something. This fad has been spreading like wildfire across beauty boards, health blogs, and touts that you will melt pounds and lose as much as 1% of body fat. And this all sounds pretty reasonable: its all natural ingredients, you can still eat after, and for the most part, this is the least batshit of the fads out there (I’m looking at you, Beyonce cleanse). The only catch here, is that this drink is absolutely AWFUL tasting, and will more than likely make you nauseated for a few hours after taking (perhaps this is part of the strategy?). If you can handle the ‘cinnamon-challenge’ esque texture of this ungodly thing going down, it could be worth a try. My advice? Only drink 1/2 the recommended dosage to prevent the urge to vomit it back up.
- The ‘lemon water’ cleanse. A step downward on the crazy is this ‘tonic’ approach meant to be added to an existing diet in the morning. Apparently (according to some) this aids in ‘cleansing’ crap out of your system and keeping your stomach from bloating. If you’re going to be rocking a bra-top to a festival, downing a glass of this might be a pretty good idea. Truthfully, I drink a glass of water with a squirt of lemon juice in it every morning, this one is much less of a hassle than others, and you can still eat normal food after. Does it work? I don’t know, but it tastes good so I’m sticking to it.
- The ‘tea snack inhibitor’. According to a few people , drinking tea before you sleep helps stave off midnight snacking. This one did not seem to keep me from sleepwalking to my fridge and eating a jar of jam in my sleep. Not sure if I trust this one.
So that’s what Pinterest says you should do (I stayed away from anything too insane sounding). You might notice I didn’t mention any ‘juicing’ pins, and here’s why. If you are trying to slim down for festival season and will be working out, juicing isn’t going to help you. It’s been proven to be dangerous to diabetics, actually remove some of the healthy nutrients from fruits and veggies, and you are probably just going to pack the pounds right back on. Worse, these ‘fix-it’ juices don’t fill you up, and if you cut protein from your diet, you starve your body from what it needs to rebuild post-workout muscle (and can wreck your liver).
If you juice, good for you, but it would be Un-PLUR on a variety of levels if I supported such a destructive (and expensive) fad.
What’s the best way to slim before a festival in my experience? My laziness in food shopping has done me many favors; I don’t buy meat anymore, just eggs and make dinner frittatas and omelets. I only let myself have a big slab of steak or hamburger unless I’m going out, and supplement my protein needs with eggs, peanut butter, and a small package of bacon I keep in the fridge for rough days. Instead of ‘juicing’ I put my salads in the blender because I hate salad, and it makes the unpleasant cold veggie experience end sooner (otherwise I just throw veggies in the omelets). Additionally, because I live in the city, I utilize the public transportation system as my gym, running up all sets of stairs I encounter in subways and walking everywhere (NO CABS!).