So I’ve alluded previously to why I’ve chosen to go by ‘Ragehound’ and little bits and pieces and who I am and why I’ve decided to blog about EDM and the scene (despite having admittedly scant knowledge). A while ago I read a blog from Lex of Bad Kids Clothing talking intimately about her social anxiety, and felt incredibly moved.
Here are these two rockstar girls running a company in a scene which is heavily male-dominated. Think about it: How many female DJs do you know off-hand? How many female-run companies that cater to the EDM/nightlife crowd (strip clubs don’t count, you sassy smartasses)? As a little anonymus twitter handle peon, I’ve had the distinct pleasure of getting a chance to interact with some phenomenal people.
And this is something that’s been long overdue in my life.
Growing up, my family essentially played stateline hopscotch as we moved for a variety of reasons: someone got a new job, a new opportunity arose, etc.etc.etc. What it endowed me with, was an uncanny ability to be thrust into awkward social situations and learn to rapidly adapt. This means that today, something I excel at is going to raves/parties/etc alone, and come back with tons of new friends, phone numbers, and as a result…twitter followers.
But this erratic moving left me with a lot of problems too. I don’t suffer from social anxiety like Lex, but what’s appeared to happen (as I’ve evidenced from friends) is a real gap in social skills. I can meet tons of people, I can put up a tough front and be the shining beacon of positivity in the room…but I’m not particularly great once I go back to being alone. I’m not saying I should be in any way pitied; the isolation I grew up with made me a better writer, a better listener, and forced me to turn to Toonami, thick ancient books, and Adult Swim for my source of engaging material. I didn’t grow up with a lot of consistent friends as support groups…and a lot of music I listened to was whatever unmarked mix CD I could get a friend to burn for me.
I grew up loving Daft Punk, Darude, the Gorillaz,…and some DJs I profess that I cannot name because I only remember them as “track 6 on that banged up old purple CD from middle school”.
What operating as Ragehound has given me, is a way to hold on to connections made, and the mask has allowed me to literally ‘mask’ my fear of losing friends, connections, or ever falling out of touch with anyone I see as special again.
If I seem crazy or outlandish, a lot of it stems from a craving to be remembered, a desire to be held as dear, and a hope that maybe someday that DJ I met or that follower I hugged will want to see me again.
I might appear to be some hot-shot anon handle, but I guess I wanted to say,
“I’m just like you”
And I love each and every one of you
❤ ~The Hound
This entry was posted on April 22, 2013 by ragehound. It was filed under Teachings of Mama Hound and was tagged with about, anon twitter, anonymus, bad kids clothing, confessional, edm, girls, handle, issues, lex, lex houser, me, pro fem, rage, ragehound, Social, social skills.